Understanding
by Kouklara
Summary: Pikachu debates battling, friendships and the life of a Pokemon. Very old story. Oneshot.


A/N: This is a very, very old story; I must have been about ten years old when I wrote it. But I don't hate it, so I'll post it here. I didn't cover nearly as much as I wanted to in it, and some of the stuff doesn't make much sense. Bear in mind how young I was.

**Understanding**

I crouched, breathing very, very slowly. The long green grass rose around my unmoving figure, hiding me completely. Something rustled the grass to my left and I narrowed my eyes, flicking them to the side. _Wait for it..._ Then,

"Go for it!"

I sprang from my spot in the grass and twisted into a high jump. As I fell through the air I caught sight of my opponent somewhere in the grass below me. With a battle cry of "Chaaaa!" I twisted to the side and slammed into the opposition hard.

My adversary went flying through the air and slammed into a tree. I took my opportunity to regroup, studying my opponent carefully.

She was very young and naive. No chance when she was up against me, none at all. But her crimson eyes sparkled with determination as she jumped to her feet. She sprinted at me and rose into a long jump, propelling herself with her short, strong legs.

I bent my legs to dodge, but she was too fast for me. She slammed hard into my side and I grunted in pain. She sprang back, panting, but smirking at me in satisfaction. Her lip curled in a knowing smile and she raised an eyebrow.

Show-off.

"Come on, go in for a quick attack! Don't give up!"

Wincing as I forced my bruised limbs into a stance, I wondered what the consequences of not obeying would be. After all, was this not for his enjoyment? He stood back and shouted orders while I was hurt.

I shook myself. How could I be thinking like this? It was...what had he said? A way of communication between Pokémon and trainer.

"Pikachu! I said, quick attack!"

Quickly I dodged the oncoming stream of bubbles and built up speed as I zigzagged towards my opponent. But I didn't really want to hurt her. I sprang at her with all the force I could muster...and sailed straight past her. I landed deftly on the ground past her and stood frozen with shock. I had missed.

"Pikachu!" There was a sharpness in his voice. I turned towards him. He looked at me reprovingly. "Concentrate!"

"Pipika," I apologized. Then a sharp pain hit me in the back and I fell forwards. I was burning cold. I gasped in shock and pain.

"Pikachu, get up!"

"Chuu..." I moaned, struggling with the ice that bound me. I couldn't do it...

...couldn't...

His face swam before me, happy and encouraging, my best friend. I had to do it. For him.

I pushed as hard as I could. The ice was breaking. Breaking...I had to...for him...

But then a piercing, excruciating pain hit me and I fell limp. I couldn't do it.

Her voice came daunting in my ears. Telling me that her bond with May was stronger than mine with him. Who was the naive one now, she asked me.

I felt shrunken. I had lost. I had let him down. Instead of...of blindly following orders...

No. I wasn't supposed to think like this.

But...

Battling strengthened the bond between trainer and Pokémon. Trainer and Pokémon. Not friends; not equals. I was to do what he said, and that was that. I was a tool for his enjoyment. There was nothing more to it. I closed my eyes in exhaustion and misery. I was a toy, a machine, a mindless object that obeyed his orders unthinkingly. _My best friend..._ No, he wasn't. He had never thought of me as a friend.

A shadow fell over me. I felt myself being lifted from the ground. "Pikachu?" came his voice from a long way off. I opened my eyes and looked up and my trainer.

"Chuu..." I croaked apologetically. I'm sorry, master, I thought. I'll do better next time. I'll blindly follow your orders without question.

"Hey, you did your best, buddy," he said, and he smiled warmly. "We'll do better next time, okay?"

I nodded weakly and looked away. Buddy. So maybe he did think of me as a friend. Then why...why did I injure myself, sometimes profoundly, when he shouted orders? Why was he disappointed in himself when it was I who had lost the battle? Why did he think I would blindly accept his commands when it meant getting myself hurt? Why? Why? Why?

He would never understand, try as he might, how I was feeling towards him just then. I ached just to nuzzle into his arms, forget this whole thing. I longed to be as loyal as he thought he was. I wanted so badly to make him happy. But I was not stupid, and as much as I hated myself for it, I just didn't understand why he made me battle for him. It seemed...wrong, that my 'friend' should do this to me.

I wanted to explain it to him. I wanted to make him understand. I wanted to ask him what battling was, how he justified having his best friend put through this. But I couldn't. What if I were human? He wouldn't force me to battle if I were human. He would understand if I were human.

I understood now. It was because I was a Pokémon. He looked down on me and forced me to hurt my friends because I couldn't ask him not to. If I could cry, I would have. Of course, he had no idea. He accepted it without thinking. He didn't question the fact that he was master and I was Pokémon. I knew he was good-hearted, and if he could see it from my point of view...

But he couldn't, and I doubted he ever would. If only I were naive like him. If only I wasn't such a stupid philosopher. If only he understood.

"Pikachu?" I looked back up towards him. There was concern in his dark brown eyes. "What's the matter?"

So I told him. I told him everything. And of course, he didn't hear my pleas, couldn't see my point of view, because he couldn't understand my language. "I wish I knew what you were saying," he said softly. "Then I could understand." There would always be that barrier between us, the difference, and now we both knew it, it would never go away.

It would grow...

...and grow...

...until there was nothing between us.

Nothing at all.


End file.
